what the fuck is a fuck boy?
is it a boy who fucks girls?
is a boy who wants to fuck girls too much? is it just a boy who should go fuck himself?
Whatever a fuckboy is
I am 95% certain that I am not one of them
Do fuckboys always wear boat shoes?
and non-tucked in dress shirts?
or are those just the particularly flamboyant fuckboys?
like the peacocks of fuckboys
extending their long colorful feathers into an intricate display that spells out “please fuck me”
do some of them hide, are they still called fuckboys when they’re sneaky about it?
because i’ve never met a sneaky fuckboy
but i guess that's the point.
No all the fuckboys I’ve met are very loud and proud about it,
there are no closeted fuckboys, I think
why do they all play lacrosse?
is it a freudian thing?
does holding long sticks make them feel better about themselves?
does getting the ball in the net symbolize going balls deep?
I don’t like lacrosse
Their names are very violent
Chase, and Hunter, and Keith
I know Keith isn't a word
but it sounds enough like Kiefer Sutherland to be mildly intimidating
I wonder why their parents named them that
were those names popular at the time?
Or was it meant to be a warning,
did the parents of those fuckboys immediately know that their baby was a
did their newborn cop a feel off the nurse and reach for the pbr,
and did they know what they had created?
did they name their kids so that pretty girls would know that when they were
boys named chase, and hunter, and keith would chase them and hunt them
and do whatever kiefer sutherland does to terrorists to them?
Nathan isn't a violent name
I wonder what they were like growing up?
is there a fuckboy swimming class at the country club,
where they learn to sneak into the girl's locker room
and always wear sunglasses to check out babes discreetly?
who am i kidding, fuckboys are never discreet about anything.
I wish there was a critically acclaimed movie
that followed the life of a fuckboy from infancy through college
it would be called FuckBoyhood
Fuckboys must be tired from the constant crushing of puss,
and since they’re always drinking redbulls or four locos
I wonder when they sleep.
Maybe they hibernate, maybe that's what they do
when they all visit their winter homes in syracuse
all of them at seemingly the same fucking time each year.
are fuckboys regional?
do they look different from state to state?
are there European fuckboys?
do fuckboys from Australia wear their hats the other way around?
when we say fuckboy do we mean the person
or are we talking about the voice
inside a boy's head that tells them to do awful things just because they can
is the real fuckboy the thing on a person's shoulder,
that whispers things into their ear
is there a fuckboy on my shoulder?
is a fuckboy just a stereotype?
is a fuckboy really a guy named chad who takes his shirt off after two shots of
or am i just making my definition of fuckboy so comically over the top and
because I’m terrified that the actual definition of fuckboy is much more broad.
i don't sleep with lots of girls
I don't play lacrosse
but college life in general has made me question
how many of my decisions have been made based on girls,
and more acutely based on the possibility of getting laid.
I went to my first poetry open mic because I wanted to get a girl’s number.
I only watched Portlandia because a girl I met on tinder said she liked it
Do all fuckboys use tinder?
I didn’t grow up with any brothers to inform me about this,
so I don't know whether these actions are part of growing up as a fuckboy,
or just part of growing up as a boy,
or whether or not those two options have basically become the same thing.
What is a fuckboy? Who's to say
Fuckboys are strange, poorly documented creatures
like the ocean floor there is much about them that we do not yet know,
with the exception of their mating habits
which they very deliberately publicize
but we still have not identified the fuckboy gene,
or the environmental factor
that triggers a child to metamorphose into a fuckboy
maybe there isn't one
maybe there's just a little bit fuckboy in all men
Whatever a fuckboy is,
I am 80% certain that i am not one of them
that number isn’t low enough to make me lose sleep,
but every day it slowly, constantly creeps downward
I feel that years from now,
all will be known,
A definitive definition of fuckboy
will be entered into the merriam webster dictionary
and all i can do is desperately hope that it does not encompass me